Finding strength within you
Friends and family are wonderful and I'm so grateful for having each and every person I love and who love me in my life. They are there to support you and help you, and be there for you.
But even then there are moments and times or days and weeks where you may feel alone. It could be depression or bipolar disorder or something you ate or watched or who cares. Who cares? It doesn't matter what it is, because in that moment of sheer dark and emptiness and you're wondering why nobody you love is there for you- all that matters in that moment is knowing that someone IS there for you, and that someone is yourself.
I just had possibly the most traumatizing dream ever. I'm not even so sure why I reacted the way I did from this dream, because I'm sure I've had worse and seen worse in movies. At first I was fixated on waking up a friend because I just needed some support but that didn't go too well (extreme sleep deprivation makes it really hard to wake up someone AND expect empathy when they crashed), so then I started fixating on
1. how horrible the dream was
2. why did i have it?
3. why wasn't my friend there for me when i was promised that they would be?
The last one, I understand and just had to accept. People can't be there for you 100% of the time. They have school, work, band practice, tests, sleep- they have their own lives and their own problems. Its one case if they blatantly curse you out and kick you when you're down (that's not a friend), but if they really have priorities of their own, then you can't blame them. They've been there for you before, haven't they? They'll be there for you again. Just not this time. And that's okay.
But you know who can be there? Always? and forever? no matter how long you live? You.
Its okay to cry and vent and help yourself. Act like you're helping a friend. Yeah, it feels like you're going crazy talking to yourself as if you're someone else, but no, you're not going crazy, you dont have multiple personalities nor are you schizophrenic. Its self-talk, its important and most of us already do it, but negatively.
Some of us may say to ourselves, "wow, i suck at ______" or "I'm so fat" or "I'm so ugly" or "nobody can love me." Heck, self-talk is even as simple as "I could have done better at this test, I'm horrible, i didn't work hard enough." bla bla bla.
Bad things, one after the other. Nothing positive like you would to a friend. "No man, you don't suck, you're pretty awesome." "Pfft, you're not fat or ugly! You're beautiful. And you need to see yourself that way. We are all beautiful." "Of course someone is going to love you, people already do, and you love yourself. Because you're awesome and fun and good hearted." "You did the best you could at that point when you were studying, did you? Then don't beat yourself up. Its okay." (I'll write about doing your best in another post).
A friend would say all these things or at least a version of them. Say them to yourself.
Be nice to yourself. Find how strong you are, and realize that everything will be okay. All things pass and change in this life, and so will this. You're going to be fine.
But even then there are moments and times or days and weeks where you may feel alone. It could be depression or bipolar disorder or something you ate or watched or who cares. Who cares? It doesn't matter what it is, because in that moment of sheer dark and emptiness and you're wondering why nobody you love is there for you- all that matters in that moment is knowing that someone IS there for you, and that someone is yourself.
I just had possibly the most traumatizing dream ever. I'm not even so sure why I reacted the way I did from this dream, because I'm sure I've had worse and seen worse in movies. At first I was fixated on waking up a friend because I just needed some support but that didn't go too well (extreme sleep deprivation makes it really hard to wake up someone AND expect empathy when they crashed), so then I started fixating on
1. how horrible the dream was
2. why did i have it?
3. why wasn't my friend there for me when i was promised that they would be?
The last one, I understand and just had to accept. People can't be there for you 100% of the time. They have school, work, band practice, tests, sleep- they have their own lives and their own problems. Its one case if they blatantly curse you out and kick you when you're down (that's not a friend), but if they really have priorities of their own, then you can't blame them. They've been there for you before, haven't they? They'll be there for you again. Just not this time. And that's okay.
But you know who can be there? Always? and forever? no matter how long you live? You.
Its okay to cry and vent and help yourself. Act like you're helping a friend. Yeah, it feels like you're going crazy talking to yourself as if you're someone else, but no, you're not going crazy, you dont have multiple personalities nor are you schizophrenic. Its self-talk, its important and most of us already do it, but negatively.
Some of us may say to ourselves, "wow, i suck at ______" or "I'm so fat" or "I'm so ugly" or "nobody can love me." Heck, self-talk is even as simple as "I could have done better at this test, I'm horrible, i didn't work hard enough." bla bla bla.
Bad things, one after the other. Nothing positive like you would to a friend. "No man, you don't suck, you're pretty awesome." "Pfft, you're not fat or ugly! You're beautiful. And you need to see yourself that way. We are all beautiful." "Of course someone is going to love you, people already do, and you love yourself. Because you're awesome and fun and good hearted." "You did the best you could at that point when you were studying, did you? Then don't beat yourself up. Its okay." (I'll write about doing your best in another post).
A friend would say all these things or at least a version of them. Say them to yourself.
Be nice to yourself. Find how strong you are, and realize that everything will be okay. All things pass and change in this life, and so will this. You're going to be fine.
Comments
Post a Comment